Random rambling

I walk and walk and walk and walk… I don’t have a very good sight but impeccable olfactory senses. I smell grub from far off…sniff sniff! I gather food… and that’s all I do (at least). I know we are social animals (animals???), that’s why I don’t work alone. Also I am too miniscule to make a difference alone (as if we make it when we work together…). We work together. We… many others like me. Look-alikes. Strangers??? The stranger walking next to me secretes a fluid and keeps dropping it all the way it goes and I, with my nose all ready to sniff, sniff and take directions. We are happy. Long live the queen. But just one problem… if these humans could take a little care while walking and not chew us under their feet… and stop looking down at us as “mere ants” (as if it matters!).

How much sense does it make writing all this and comparing me with all kinds of insects and stuff. But well, not all of it is a lie. I did escape getting “chewed” under many “human” foots, many a times. I call them humans because they own something that I have happily given up to become what I proudly call “raw”. I am a euphemism. Trust me, I doesn’t feel good calling oneself one. I am devoid of values. Haven’t given them up intentionally. Perhaps because an ant is too meek (or useless) animal (animal???) to take such a big step which needs a lot of reasons to get justified. An ant does things out of habit. It gathers food out of habit. It respects the queen out of habit. And it stays happy that way. Not much of thinking involved in the whole mechanism. It goes to office. It works. It earns. It saves. And this one sometimes writes. Who needs meanings? Or maybe I don’t understand them…

Habit is really the biggest motivation behind any and every action of “mankind” (NOTE: The author intentionally rejects the word “Humanity”). Those who do, they do it out of habit; those who don’t, they “don’t” out of habit. I write out of habit; I call myself an ant out of habit. Hitler didn’t war because he had a motivation bug in his ass who would tickle him all the time to go and fight. It was a habit. Habit makes you do weird things. Calling oneself an ant… for example. But I am not to be blamed. I am not free. There are habits ruling over me.

But it would have been all a different life to live had I not been an ant. When I say a non-ant, what I am basically referring to is a “human”. All other categories can be collectively referred to as ants. I would have thought of building an anthill. But I would have had reasons for it. Whatever bullshit, but reasons atleast. A reason for eating; for smiling; for crying; for walking; for shitting; for puking… for writing. A scum of values all around. Trying to adhere to those values out of a habit to do so… but with the blanket of reason.

But it wouldn’t have been that bad either.

Perhaps.

But I cant help it. If I don’t have faith, I don’t have it. That’s it. Full Stop.



Originally posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 4:21 AM