...some random crap

I feel numb. Numb…now when I speak this word, I realize that it refers to something completely different from what I always thought it did. Things always made me believe that it means blankness, a state of void where nothing exists. Perhaps what one experiences with a few kilos of weed running in his blood. Or something when one succeeds (or fails?) in detaching himself from any pain…the state primarily caused by a state of extreme happiness or the lack of it. Today when I say this word…I realize how wrong I was…no, correction, I don’t realize…I just think I realize. If what I thought sums up the meaning of numbness actually sums it up…then it can mean anything but numbness. If I can define it, if I can feel it…then perhaps I am anything but numb. Numbness is when I stop feeling…even stop feeling numb. When you walk out of the funeral of a loved one and don’t even feel or realize that during the entire cremation ceremony, not for a moment you realized what the death of that loved one means. Its when all that you can think of is that you wont get to talk to that person ever again. That’s it. No pain. Just a weird silence of senselessness that one not very often finds oneself in.

In the midst of the wormhole of emotions, one suddenly realizes that he doesn’t know what these emotions are.